Can Men and Women really be 'just friends'

Headline: CAN MEN AND WOMEN REALLY BE 'JUST' FRIENDS?

Stand-first:
The age old question that has been pondered by more academic and philosophical brains than mine. Please excuse me for sounding like Carrie Bradshaw, but are cross-sex friendship really platonic?

Society has long singled out romance as the prototypical male-female relationships. We no longer polarize the sexes. Twenty-first century men and women follow their passions inside and outside the home and stand shoulder to shoulder as equals in most situations. Men and women draw parallelism through their shared interests. Despite all this, one thing baffles me, I don't watch soccer, I don't play pool very well and I know nothing about cars, so why do my best-friends happen to be men?

According to a female acquaintance of mine; “men do not hang out with women, they do not have female friends. If a man spends time with a woman it is because ultimately they want to be physical with the woman in question”. I take her comment on board, but with a pinch of salt. I have long been a firm believer that men and women can be best of mates and sex has nothing to do with it!
I used to think I was drawn to be friends with men because I wanted to be protected and feel like they were an older brother looking out for me. But of this I am not convinced anymore. I have three close female friends and at-least ten close male friends – I do not think I need all that security and protection, so why do I engage in amicable fellowship with them?

If I need advise, if I need a shoulder to cry on, or simply need to be cheered up, I go to my male friends- my sole confidantes in this world. The thing I cherish about my male companions is that they do not tongue lash, they are incredibly loyal and they are always there when you need them. When I was younger, other males called me a tease, they were baffled why I had so many male friends and why they liked hanging out with me. I am sure I was called all sorts of profane titles, but words never held me down, nor suppressed me from doing what I wanted.

My camaraderie with guys was so well known, that in my last year in Secondary school, we were given a name of a close friend to write about. Most people got a name of the same gender, I received the name of one of my male friends. This highlighted the fact that even the teachers could see that I was 'one of the boys'. It appears to me that my male friends enjoy sharing details of their personal life and feelings with me, something they cannot do with members of their own sex.

Several years ago, I went away on a University Canoe Club trip to Bundoran. I was the only girl going on the trip, but that would never stop me. I had a hoodie on me, I seemed to camouflage in with the rest of the gang. The woman we were renting the house off, came out to give us the key. She was mid way through conversation when she jumped; “Oh my God you are a girl”. I went so red, I nearly died of embarrassment, I was crying from laughing so hard. Did I look like a man?
What a compliment, something every girl wants to hear!

The owner of the house as generous and lovely as she was, insisted that I stay in her house. No way could I be left with the boys in her head. I could not conjure what was going through her head, but the boys did little to quash her fears. She was adamant, I should come and stay with her and get a lift down to the beach for surf in the morning. I declined the offer politely. The lads lifting me up on their shoulders, howling at the top of their voices and falling over with laughter. Now don't get me wrong, I don't wear baggy trousers, I don't have a boy-cut nor am I muscular! Truth is, I have an affinity with them, a rapport that I am unable to have with female counterparts.

Being cordial with men, as rewarding as the friendship is, it can be a tricky, potentially explosive experience, which can have a destructive and bitter end. I think every young woman can identify with this. There is always sexual tension to contend with. Cross sex companionships are all about drawing the line and more importantly who gets to draw the line.

The new century has brought a host of rules in the interaction between the sexes, some which are superfluous, but one thing is clear, there needs to be boundaries. We have to stick to the no go areas, such as: you cannot go to a 'chic flic' with a heterosexual male acquaintance, you cannot go to dinner with them, you cannot under no circumstance sleep-over in his bedroom as it spells trouble with a capital T. The problem with some male- female relationships is they often are in danger of verging on the unrequited love syndrome.

It is utter disparity that leaves the love stricken chum hanging on to the relationship, attempting at best to change or woo the others heart. Lets be black and white, there is no magical moment when background music starts to play and two friends embrace – realizing they have been living a lie. More over reality bites! Usually feelings are felt by one person, and normally they fear rejection and keep it quiet, in absolute fear of the plethora of lines like; “It is not you, it is me”, “I like you a lot, just not in that way”, “I really don't want to lose your friendship”. No recipient wants to be put in that position like a deer caught in headlights! The playing fields in these kinds of friendships may be bumpy but that doesn't mean that the friendship can't run smoothly.

The biggest factor in this dynamic is respect, a seven letter word which carries incredible power. If you have respect for someone, you will treat them accordingly. While there is always the danger of cupids arrow striking, under the laws of attraction you have the same chance of a female friends growing those sentiments as much as a male!